1 00:01:38,909 --> 00:01:45,064 Have you ever mistaken a dream? for life? 2 00:01:45,229 --> 00:01:49,222 Or something stolen while you have the money? 3 00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:55,063 Have you ever felt sad? 4 00:01:57,349 --> 00:02:01,547 Or thought your train was running but you stood still? 5 00:02:03,029 --> 00:02:06,942 Maybe I really was crazy. 6 00:02:07,109 --> 00:02:10,226 Misschien was het de jaren zestig... 7 00:02:10,389 --> 00:02:15,509 ...or was I just a girl that was disturbed. 8 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,741 Tie her up. Take blood. 9 00:02:18,909 --> 00:02:21,742 Inject 5 mg Valium in her veins. 10 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,822 Turn her head so she doesn't choke. 11 00:02:26,989 --> 00:02:31,028 -Aspirin and vodka, I think - Take it to the lab. 12 00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:37,305 Just look at my hand. There are no bones in it. 13 00:02:37,469 --> 00:02:42,384 -Is that why you did it? -Among other things. 14 00:02:42,549 --> 00:02:44,460 Her parents are arriving. 15 00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:51,982 I find it difficult sometimes to stay in one place. 16 00:02:52,149 --> 00:02:57,098 Susanna, if you have no bones had in your hand... 17 00:02:58,109 --> 00:03:01,340 ...hoe kon je dan de aspirine oppakken? 18 00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:12,587 What is my mother doing? 19 00:03:12,749 --> 00:03:15,343 Would you please answer? 20 00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:21,345 How could you pick up the aspirin without bones in your hands? 21 00:03:21,509 --> 00:03:23,704 Then they were there again. 22 00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:31,225 -I see. -No, you don't understand anything. 23 00:03:34,909 --> 00:03:39,505 Then do me a favor. Please explain. 24 00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:45,218 What? I have to explain to a doctor... 25 00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:48,506 ...that laws of nature can be suspended? 26 00:03:48,669 --> 00:03:52,628 That which goes up does not always comes down? 27 00:03:56,469 --> 00:04:00,667 Do I need to explain that time... 28 00:04:00,829 --> 00:04:07,268 ...goes back and forth and can jump now and then? 29 00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:11,786 -You have no influence on it. -Why not? 30 00:04:15,029 --> 00:04:18,305 -What? -Why can't you influence time? 31 00:04:33,989 --> 00:04:36,901 Quiet, Sam. 32 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:40,948 Where were you? everyone is there. Come on. 33 00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:48,622 -Mary, do you remember Susanna? -Naturally. 34 00:04:51,389 --> 00:04:56,099 -Are you going to wear this? -I knew it started so early. 35 00:04:56,269 --> 00:05:01,582 -Hello, everyone. Look who's here. -Congratulations, Dad. 36 00:05:01,749 --> 00:05:04,502 I just need to say hello to someone. 37 00:05:04,669 --> 00:05:09,663 Hold on, honey. I just want to say hello to Susanna. 38 00:05:09,829 --> 00:05:11,820 Susanna. 39 00:05:13,749 --> 00:05:19,699 -Professor Gilcrest's wife. -Hello. I'm Bonnie's mother. 40 00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:22,064 You have beautiful skin. 41 00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:25,585 Bonnie was in your class, right? 42 00:05:25,749 --> 00:05:31,142 -Yes. How is she? -She just got admitted to Radcliffe. 43 00:05:31,309 --> 00:05:37,259 I prefer Wellesley, but girls have to decide for themselves. 44 00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:38,305 Susanna. 45 00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:43,097 Are you stoned? 46 00:05:45,749 --> 00:05:49,424 Do you smoke weed? 47 00:05:49,589 --> 00:05:52,581 Do you take LSD? 48 00:05:54,829 --> 00:05:57,821 No drugs at all? 49 00:06:02,109 --> 00:06:04,669 How are you feeling right now? 50 00:06:07,669 --> 00:06:12,618 I don't know. 51 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,542 I don't know how I feel. 52 00:06:17,989 --> 00:06:20,105 You have to rest. 53 00:06:20,269 --> 00:06:23,864 -I'll go to sleep at home. -No. 54 00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:27,988 You have to go somewhere where you can really relax. 55 00:06:28,149 --> 00:06:32,028 You're lucky. The best place for someone like you... 56 00:06:32,229 --> 00:06:35,062 ...is half an hour away from here. 57 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:38,864 -You don't mean Claymoore, do you? -Susanna. 58 00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:44,945 Four days ago you flushed a pak aspirine weg met een fles vodka. 59 00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:48,740 I had a headache. 60 00:06:51,069 --> 00:06:54,061 Susanna. 61 00:06:54,229 --> 00:06:58,222 Your father is a friend of mine, a colleague. 62 00:06:58,389 --> 00:07:02,826 He asked me to talk to you, although I no longer work. 63 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:07,107 You hurt everyone around you. 64 00:07:09,589 --> 00:07:13,218 Claymoore is one of the best institutes. 65 00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:19,225 There are a lot of people there. Also writers like you. 66 00:07:37,029 --> 00:07:40,226 I want a taxi for Milford 1 240. 67 00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:46,829 -My mother is home. -It's a little less emotional this way. 68 00:07:46,989 --> 00:07:50,265 I've already spoken to your parents. 69 00:08:25,709 --> 00:08:28,382 Don't stop along the way. 70 00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:33,260 Day. 71 00:09:10,869 --> 00:09:12,507 Susanna? 72 00:09:14,789 --> 00:09:16,780 Susanna? 73 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:25,621 Are you there? 74 00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:34,827 -I want to see you again -It was a one-time thing, okay? 75 00:09:34,989 --> 00:09:40,541 Come to my office tonight. Say you're going to a friend's house. 76 00:09:40,709 --> 00:09:46,341 Wie zal ik het eerst vertellen? My parents or your wife? 77 00:09:52,949 --> 00:09:55,019 What have you done? 78 00:09:55,189 --> 00:09:56,781 What have you done? 79 00:09:59,469 --> 00:10:01,027 Excuse me? 80 00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:05,224 You look so normal. 81 00:10:07,229 --> 00:10:10,062 I'm sad. 82 00:10:10,229 --> 00:10:15,508 -That's everyone, right? -I see things. 83 00:10:15,669 --> 00:10:17,739 Are you hallucinating? 84 00:10:19,909 --> 00:10:21,308 Something like that, yes. 85 00:10:22,429 --> 00:10:26,900 Then they need John Lennon also lock up. 86 00:10:27,069 --> 00:10:30,539 I'm not John Lennon. 87 00:11:13,469 --> 00:11:16,029 Don't go there too much feel at home. 88 00:11:25,229 --> 00:11:29,461 -Should my parents... -You must sign, Miss Kaysen. 89 00:11:29,629 --> 00:11:31,460 This is your decision. 90 00:11:37,669 --> 00:11:41,184 attempted suicide 91 00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:46,981 I didn't attempt suicide. 92 00:11:47,149 --> 00:11:51,267 You talk about that in therapy, not here. 93 00:11:56,389 --> 00:12:01,622 Miss Kaysen, you are the only one Springbrook student... 94 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:04,508 ...who doesn't go to college. 95 00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:14,061 -What did you want to do? -I want to write. 96 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:19,026 But what do you want to do? 97 00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:23,546 I'm not going to burn my bra or demonstrate. 98 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:26,906 lk wil niet net become like my mother. 99 00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:32,143 -Women have options. -No, they don't. 100 00:12:32,309 --> 00:12:34,220 And here. 101 00:12:35,869 --> 00:12:38,747 You forgot one. 102 00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:46,545 On behalf of Dr Wick, I welcome you on Claymoore, Susanna. 103 00:12:49,949 --> 00:12:52,986 This is the women's section, South Bell. 104 00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:57,062 This is where you will stay and where I work. 105 00:12:57,229 --> 00:13:00,027 This is the second floor. 106 00:13:00,189 --> 00:13:04,228 Just stay near me, you can easily get lost. 107 00:13:09,269 --> 00:13:13,308 This is the department. 108 00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:16,905 Alright, let's with this room start. 109 00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:22,698 This is the art space. 110 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:28,501 -What are you doing here, Polly? -I'm feeling very musical today. 111 00:13:28,669 --> 00:13:32,628 -Can I... -Not today, honey. 112 00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:44,104 That's Polly. Come along. 113 00:13:49,549 --> 00:13:54,020 -Polly was alone in the art room. -I'm sorry, Val. 114 00:13:57,789 --> 00:14:02,385 The living room. Everyone hates that. 115 00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:14,179 Here are the phones. 116 00:14:14,349 --> 00:14:19,298 If you want to call, the nurse will transfer you. 117 00:14:19,469 --> 00:14:22,188 This is the room from the nurse... 118 00:14:22,349 --> 00:14:26,183 ...and this is the television room, where everyone is always. 119 00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:32,219 -I want my clothes, dammit. -Then you have to eat. 120 00:14:33,549 --> 00:14:39,499 On this board you write as you for example, you want to go for a walk or something. 121 00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:50,705 She thinks that bothers me. You must stay on the ward. 122 00:14:50,869 --> 00:14:55,738 But in a month you will be stuck have two nurses. 123 00:14:55,909 --> 00:14:59,185 I won't stay that long. I'm just here to rest. 124 00:14:59,349 --> 00:15:03,103 Calm down. everyone gets the same tour. 125 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:11,819 Georgina, this is your new roommate. 126 00:15:11,989 --> 00:15:14,139 Crazy. 127 00:15:14,309 --> 00:15:17,460 Georgina is one excellent roommate. 128 00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:19,426 Thank you, Valerie. 129 00:15:19,589 --> 00:15:21,227 Valerie. 130 00:15:26,829 --> 00:15:30,458 Excuse me, I have to arrange something. 131 00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:35,464 Can you bring Susanna in half an hour? take it to the dining room? 132 00:15:35,629 --> 00:15:39,622 -You've promised now, Georgina. -I know. 133 00:15:55,269 --> 00:15:58,739 What a cool box. 134 00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:05,978 They are French. French resistance fighters smoked them. 135 00:16:11,629 --> 00:16:14,223 Have you read this? 136 00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:18,223 No, but I have the movie seen a few times. 137 00:16:18,389 --> 00:16:21,859 The movie is based on the first part. 138 00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:25,988 But there were originally no red slippers. 139 00:16:26,149 --> 00:16:31,542 This takes place next. Dorothy plays a less important role here. 140 00:16:34,509 --> 00:16:36,784 Son of a bitch. 141 00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:59,219 Hi, Dais. Do you have someone yet? let into your room? 142 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,022 Hello girls. Good day, nice thing. 143 00:17:06,349 --> 00:17:09,819 How nice to be home again. 144 00:17:11,229 --> 00:17:16,508 -Hi, Lighthouse. Did you miss me? -Not so bad. 145 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:21,218 Just take her with you. Gretta will search her. 146 00:17:21,389 --> 00:17:25,223 -Who is that with Georgie? -I can't handle this. 147 00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:27,345 Where's Jamie? 148 00:17:34,189 --> 00:17:39,343 -Who are you? -She smokes French cigarettes. 149 00:17:39,509 --> 00:17:42,706 Why lies your junk on her bed? 150 00:17:42,869 --> 00:17:47,420 -Where's Jamie? -I don't know what you're talking about. 151 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:54,905 What the hell are you doing, Lisa? Leave her alone. 152 00:17:55,069 --> 00:17:59,426 You've been away for two weeks. There has been a lot of trouble. 153 00:17:59,589 --> 00:18:02,626 How did she do it? 154 00:18:02,789 --> 00:18:06,987 -How did she do it, Valerie? -Get the hell away from me. 155 00:18:07,149 --> 00:18:12,303 You are all weaklings. Victims. 156 00:18:12,469 --> 00:18:15,188 No, don't. Please, Val. 157 00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:17,624 No. 158 00:18:17,789 --> 00:18:20,223 Grab her legs. 159 00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:25,948 Don't touch me. No. 160 00:18:33,789 --> 00:18:36,781 You have to cut her nails again. 161 00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:46,027 Oh my God. What was all that? 162 00:18:46,189 --> 00:18:48,942 That was Lisa. 163 00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:53,307 -Was Jamie your roommate? -She was Lisa's best friend. 164 00:18:53,469 --> 00:18:56,222 Lisa had run away... 165 00:18:56,389 --> 00:18:59,620 ...and then she turned hung on a net. 166 00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,220 Next. 167 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:15,181 Cynthia Crowley. 168 00:19:15,349 --> 00:19:17,943 Susanna Kaysen. 169 00:19:19,269 --> 00:19:21,146 Susanna Kaysen. 170 00:19:23,109 --> 00:19:25,623 I'm Mrs. McWilley. This is for you. 171 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:28,622 -What is that? -Sleeping pills. 172 00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:34,307 -It's half past ten. I'm not going... -Discuss it with the doctor. 173 00:19:34,469 --> 00:19:38,701 Now let's just leave it at that that you don't agree with me. 174 00:19:40,189 --> 00:19:42,783 Swallow them here. Just have some water. 175 00:19:44,909 --> 00:19:47,821 Polly Clark. 176 00:19:47,989 --> 00:19:50,549 You can go now. 177 00:19:54,309 --> 00:19:56,777 Teresa McCullian. 178 00:20:56,549 --> 00:21:02,067 Ryan Reed, yearbook editor and one of the most brilliant students. 179 00:21:02,229 --> 00:21:06,461 He goes to university from Tulane. 180 00:21:06,629 --> 00:21:11,828 Andrea Jacobs, president of the French association. 181 00:21:11,989 --> 00:21:15,220 She goes to Sara Lawrence. 182 00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,981 Susanna Kaysen. 183 00:21:20,149 --> 00:21:23,425 -What is she doing now? -She's acting strange again. 184 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,901 Susanna Kaysen. 185 00:21:30,909 --> 00:21:35,585 -Susanna Kaysen. -Wake up, idiot. 186 00:21:36,789 --> 00:21:39,826 Control. 187 00:21:51,669 --> 00:21:53,819 Georgina. 188 00:21:56,629 --> 00:21:58,904 Why do they do that? 189 00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:05,427 They always check. That will be less over time. 190 00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:16,138 That girl, Polly. Why is she all... 191 00:22:17,389 --> 00:22:22,588 When she was ten, she had to mother gets rid of her dog... 192 00:22:22,749 --> 00:22:25,900 ...because it gave her a rash. 193 00:22:26,069 --> 00:22:32,622 Polly then has the jerry can took gas from her father... 194 00:22:32,789 --> 00:22:36,304 ...and thrown over himself. 195 00:22:37,349 --> 00:22:39,021 And then... 196 00:22:40,789 --> 00:22:44,225 ...she lit a match. 197 00:22:44,389 --> 00:22:46,107 Oh my God. 198 00:22:51,549 --> 00:22:57,579 -Why are you here? -Pseudologia Phantastica. 199 00:22:58,829 --> 00:23:00,421 What is that? 200 00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:06,104 I'm a pathological liar. 201 00:23:57,709 --> 00:24:01,224 -What are your plans for the fall? -What? 202 00:24:01,389 --> 00:24:03,823 I don't have that. 203 00:24:03,989 --> 00:24:09,461 I'm going to be an ethnobotanist. I have a scholarship to MlT. 204 00:24:09,629 --> 00:24:15,181 -I'm going to join the Hare Krishna. -That's actually quite interesting. 205 00:24:15,349 --> 00:24:17,180 That was a joke. 206 00:24:31,989 --> 00:24:35,902 You're Susanna, right? 207 00:24:36,069 --> 00:24:40,028 My name is Toby. I am Andrea Jacobs' brother. 208 00:24:40,189 --> 00:24:43,306 I was at your graduation. 209 00:24:44,709 --> 00:24:49,385 You are very beautiful when you sleep. 210 00:24:50,709 --> 00:24:55,100 Control. It's seven o'clock. 211 00:25:07,709 --> 00:25:11,622 everyone thinks there at some point. 212 00:25:12,949 --> 00:25:15,224 How would you do it? 213 00:25:16,869 --> 00:25:18,461 I don't know. 214 00:25:18,629 --> 00:25:22,986 I haven't really thought about it. 215 00:25:26,669 --> 00:25:31,060 Once it gets into your head... 216 00:25:31,229 --> 00:25:35,825 ...you become a stranger, new kind of creature. 217 00:25:35,989 --> 00:25:40,585 A life form that likes to fantasize about his own downfall. 218 00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:44,025 You say something stupid and commits suicide. 219 00:25:44,189 --> 00:25:49,946 If you liked the movie, you live, If you miss the train, you kill yourself. 220 00:25:50,109 --> 00:25:54,227 -What is? -I don't want to talk about it anymore. 221 00:25:54,389 --> 00:25:57,347 Why not? 222 00:25:59,909 --> 00:26:04,300 Because it's stupid. 223 00:26:12,029 --> 00:26:14,224 What is it now? 224 00:26:17,509 --> 00:26:19,579 What are you doing? 225 00:26:19,749 --> 00:26:24,618 Don't you think it's cool that I... don't want to kill myself? 226 00:26:24,789 --> 00:26:29,704 -I don't want to die. I just talked. -The world is rotten, Susanna. 227 00:26:29,869 --> 00:26:35,148 That's how rotten it is if someone takes my draws date of birth from a container... 228 00:26:35,309 --> 00:26:36,981 ...I'm going to die. 229 00:26:38,149 --> 00:26:43,098 -When is your birthday? -December 30. 230 00:26:45,789 --> 00:26:48,861 -I'll pray for you. -Susanna. 231 00:26:49,989 --> 00:26:52,787 Control. 232 00:27:17,869 --> 00:27:21,339 You asked for this? 233 00:27:29,949 --> 00:27:33,578 -Are you going to sit and watch? -I'm afraid so. 234 00:27:33,749 --> 00:27:38,106 That's why everyone here has hairy legs. 235 00:27:41,069 --> 00:27:44,027 Does anyone have you? ever seen shaving? 236 00:27:44,189 --> 00:27:48,182 I have two children and one bathroom. What do you think? 237 00:27:48,349 --> 00:27:51,341 I think you're in the door must lock. 238 00:28:00,389 --> 00:28:02,345 Bingo. 239 00:28:04,069 --> 00:28:08,745 -December 30 -Oh God. 240 00:28:08,909 --> 00:28:12,538 Bingo. 241 00:28:12,709 --> 00:28:16,384 A boy I know has just been called up. 242 00:28:16,549 --> 00:28:18,380 What's his name? 243 00:28:20,229 --> 00:28:22,902 Toby. 244 00:28:23,069 --> 00:28:26,425 -There has been. -Bingo. 245 00:28:31,429 --> 00:28:36,025 -Get out of my room, Lisa. -I'm not in your room, Daisy. 246 00:28:36,189 --> 00:28:37,781 Fuck off. 247 00:28:39,709 --> 00:28:44,021 -You look better. -How's your engagement going? 248 00:28:44,189 --> 00:28:47,420 -Oh, you know... -I don't know anything. I wasn't there. 249 00:28:47,589 --> 00:28:50,865 Joe wants... for marriage. 250 00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:53,941 Fuck him silly. With a condom. 251 00:28:54,949 --> 00:28:57,224 I don't know. 252 00:29:15,469 --> 00:29:18,222 Can I get one of yours? 253 00:29:18,389 --> 00:29:20,027 Go ahead. 254 00:29:41,629 --> 00:29:45,907 -Have you had your first Melvin yet? -What is that? 255 00:29:46,069 --> 00:29:51,223 A bald guy with a small cock and a fat woman. Your therapist. 256 00:29:52,909 --> 00:29:58,541 Unless you get shock therapy. Or they let you out. 257 00:29:58,709 --> 00:30:03,021 -Then you see the wonderful Dr. Pot. -She means Dr. Wick. 258 00:30:05,309 --> 00:30:09,905 -I haven't met him. -Dr Wick is a girl. 259 00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:14,221 Exactly, M.G. Wick is a girl. Hence the nickname. 260 00:30:16,389 --> 00:30:20,985 -When the fuck is my checkup? -Now, Lisa. 261 00:30:21,149 --> 00:30:25,586 -You would be in your room. -You shouldn't sit still for too long. 262 00:30:40,749 --> 00:30:42,228 Son of a bitch. 263 00:30:42,389 --> 00:30:46,098 You have to go to Melvin soon. I'll take you there. 264 00:30:46,269 --> 00:30:47,907 I'm sorry. 265 00:30:48,909 --> 00:30:53,585 -Why are you talking in the past tense? -What do you mean? 266 00:30:53,749 --> 00:31:00,348 He just got called up today so he's probably still alive. 267 00:31:00,509 --> 00:31:05,981 Maybe he'll report even in a few months. 268 00:31:07,509 --> 00:31:12,025 He was just nice. I thought it was a nasty message. 269 00:31:12,189 --> 00:31:17,502 You feel bad anyway. You are depressed. 270 00:31:19,309 --> 00:31:22,779 I'm not bursting with joy, Melvin. 271 00:31:22,949 --> 00:31:28,865 I understand you attempted suicide have done. Do you want to talk about that? 272 00:31:29,029 --> 00:31:30,940 I had a headache. 273 00:31:32,229 --> 00:31:37,178 So you took the prescribed dose. 274 00:31:37,349 --> 00:31:40,625 -I didn't want to kill myself. -What then? 275 00:31:40,789 --> 00:31:43,622 I wanted to end it to misery. 276 00:31:43,789 --> 00:31:47,941 The time jumps, the depression... 277 00:31:48,109 --> 00:31:50,862 ...the headaches and that with your hand? 278 00:31:51,029 --> 00:31:53,224 All of the above. 279 00:31:54,629 --> 00:31:56,221 Ah. 280 00:32:08,709 --> 00:32:12,748 Is there something you like are you confused? 281 00:32:12,909 --> 00:32:18,666 Yes, Melvin. I think I have something in the I'm confused that I'm in an institution. 282 00:32:18,829 --> 00:32:25,018 -You registered yourself. -My parents sent me. 283 00:32:25,229 --> 00:32:29,666 -No, that's not true. -everyone is completely fucking crazy. 284 00:32:29,829 --> 00:32:32,582 Do you want to go back home? 285 00:32:34,309 --> 00:32:36,504 It's the same there. 286 00:32:36,669 --> 00:32:41,459 MG, look at me. Come play with me. 287 00:32:41,629 --> 00:32:45,383 Don't be sad. 288 00:32:54,349 --> 00:32:56,817 Thank you. 289 00:33:24,589 --> 00:33:26,580 Susanna. 290 00:33:27,989 --> 00:33:30,867 -What is this? -A laxative. 291 00:33:31,029 --> 00:33:35,625 -I don't need that. -Ga je problemen veroorzaken? 292 00:33:37,229 --> 00:33:41,859 Ga je problemen veroorzaken? 293 00:33:42,029 --> 00:33:44,748 Can I have a look? Thank you. 294 00:33:44,909 --> 00:33:47,218 Surrender. 295 00:33:47,389 --> 00:33:52,099 Ga je problemen veroorzaken? No, no problem. 296 00:33:52,269 --> 00:33:55,147 Susanna, er is telefoon voor je. 297 00:33:58,309 --> 00:34:02,461 -Hello? -One moment. 298 00:34:02,629 --> 00:34:04,665 -Susanna? -Hello, Mom. 299 00:34:04,829 --> 00:34:09,220 Je vader komt net van de reserves. He was stuck in Dulles. 300 00:34:09,389 --> 00:34:13,621 -How are you, baby? -Fine, Dad. 301 00:34:13,789 --> 00:34:15,700 Damn. 302 00:34:15,869 --> 00:34:20,101 Mag ik dan Colace in plaats from Ex-Lax, please? 303 00:34:20,309 --> 00:34:22,777 Nee, geen laxeermiddelen meer. 304 00:34:22,949 --> 00:34:26,498 lk kan haar wat pruimensap geven. 305 00:34:26,669 --> 00:34:30,503 Prune juice? This is ridiculous. 306 00:34:30,669 --> 00:34:34,218 She asked if you already had new friends, and I said: 307 00:34:34,389 --> 00:34:37,540 No mom, it's not summer camp. 308 00:34:40,749 --> 00:34:43,217 -Daisy? -Fuck off. 309 00:34:44,229 --> 00:34:47,221 I have something you want. 310 00:34:52,789 --> 00:34:54,541 Come on in. 311 00:35:23,949 --> 00:35:28,022 -You packed your things. -I'm leaving in a month. 312 00:35:28,189 --> 00:35:31,625 -Dad bought me an apartment. -Real? Where? 313 00:35:31,789 --> 00:35:33,780 Near the airport. 314 00:35:34,029 --> 00:35:38,022 One bedroom, two bathrooms and an eating chick. 315 00:35:38,189 --> 00:35:42,341 -Dining kitchen, you mean. -That's what I said, bitch. 316 00:35:42,509 --> 00:35:44,625 Then what do you have that I want? 317 00:35:49,549 --> 00:35:52,859 -Lay on the bed and leave. -Put yours on the bed. 318 00:35:53,029 --> 00:35:56,226 Damn. Go away. Fuck off. 319 00:35:56,389 --> 00:35:59,620 You like a newbie don't use it like that. 320 00:35:59,789 --> 00:36:02,781 Fuck off or I'll call Valerie. 321 00:36:02,949 --> 00:36:06,624 Just call Valerie and ask her for Colace... 322 00:36:06,789 --> 00:36:11,624 ...just like Susie has in her hand. Why does it stink so much in here? 323 00:36:11,789 --> 00:36:14,781 -I don't take Valium. -Precisely. 324 00:36:14,949 --> 00:36:19,340 You get them and you don't swallow them. Are you going to eat that or... 325 00:36:19,509 --> 00:36:22,899 Control. I see you have a visitor, Daisy. 326 00:36:23,069 --> 00:36:27,665 -I want fucking Colace. -Talk to Melvin tomorrow. 327 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:41,105 Do you know what I think? I think you want to poop. 328 00:36:41,269 --> 00:36:44,818 It's been days already. 329 00:36:44,989 --> 00:36:48,982 -Never mind. I don't care. -But me. 330 00:36:52,109 --> 00:36:57,308 Dad will buy you a private room and no one is allowed in. 331 00:36:57,469 --> 00:37:02,224 You leave your room alone the canteen where you never eat anything. 332 00:37:02,389 --> 00:37:05,222 You are addicted to laxatives. 333 00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:10,861 I thought you were like Janet, but... Now you're stuck here with that stupid chicken. 334 00:37:11,029 --> 00:37:13,224 What does that actually mean? 335 00:37:13,389 --> 00:37:17,177 My father has a delicatessen with a grill. 336 00:37:17,349 --> 00:37:21,501 I love my father's chicken. Anything else makes me puke. 337 00:37:21,669 --> 00:37:25,708 But why are you eating that here? and not in the canteen? 338 00:37:25,869 --> 00:37:31,023 Would you rather shit alone? or with Valerie watching? 339 00:37:31,189 --> 00:37:32,622 Only. 340 00:37:32,789 --> 00:37:37,624 Everyone wants that. And I want alone be when it goes in. 341 00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:42,988 For me, eating is in the canteen like shitting with twenty girls. 342 00:37:44,069 --> 00:37:46,537 That's pretty crazy, Daisy. 343 00:37:47,709 --> 00:37:51,019 Come on, let's go. 344 00:37:52,749 --> 00:37:56,219 All right, you damn bitches. Here. 345 00:38:02,549 --> 00:38:04,221 Please. 346 00:38:12,029 --> 00:38:15,988 No, Lisa. Don't. 347 00:38:16,149 --> 00:38:18,617 Oh, Jesus. 348 00:38:21,789 --> 00:38:24,223 This way daddy knows she's eating. 349 00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:30,225 If I have five, Valerie makes me throw them away. 350 00:38:41,469 --> 00:38:45,223 She's writing again. Have you written about me yet? 351 00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:46,788 Don't do that. 352 00:38:48,269 --> 00:38:49,907 All right. 353 00:38:56,589 --> 00:39:00,264 Lisa, is Daisy really going home? 354 00:39:02,469 --> 00:39:06,223 Yes, she has made a big confession. 355 00:39:06,389 --> 00:39:10,382 But how can she... She's crazy. 356 00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:17,227 That's what therapy is all about. That's why Freud is everywhere. 357 00:39:17,389 --> 00:39:22,941 You lie down, confess your secrets and you are saved. 358 00:39:23,109 --> 00:39:26,897 The more you confess, the sooner you can leave. 359 00:39:27,069 --> 00:39:29,629 And if you have no secrets? 360 00:39:31,229 --> 00:39:34,141 Then you're here for life, just like me. 361 00:39:34,309 --> 00:39:36,982 I put a clean diaper on her. 362 00:39:37,149 --> 00:39:39,504 I was going to grab the baby powder... 363 00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:42,661 ...and then she is rolled off the bed. 364 00:39:45,069 --> 00:39:48,220 She fell and broke her leg. 365 00:39:49,549 --> 00:39:52,825 The doctor put her in a cast, and tied her up. 366 00:39:52,989 --> 00:39:55,298 You never told me that. 367 00:39:55,469 --> 00:39:59,542 Carl had to go to Santa Monica for RAND. 368 00:39:59,709 --> 00:40:05,818 We took her with us. She was sitting Stuck in her seat for 6,500 km. 369 00:40:05,989 --> 00:40:12,064 We can be on our way out here talk about it further, Mrs Kaysen. 370 00:40:12,229 --> 00:40:16,825 How long does my daughter have to stay here? 371 00:40:16,989 --> 00:40:21,301 Psychiatry and economics are not the same. 372 00:40:21,469 --> 00:40:27,544 It depends how Susanna responds to treatment. 373 00:40:27,709 --> 00:40:31,418 For what? Depression? It's almost Christmas already. 374 00:40:31,589 --> 00:40:35,548 What should we say? to the people who care about her? 375 00:40:35,709 --> 00:40:41,978 Look, Melvin, my parents have a small Christmas cocktail crisis. 376 00:40:42,149 --> 00:40:43,787 -Susanna. -What? 377 00:40:45,709 --> 00:40:49,907 What is that borderline what you were talking about on the phone? 378 00:40:51,629 --> 00:40:54,780 I don't think Susanna has something to do with that. 379 00:40:54,949 --> 00:40:58,339 What borderline stuff? 380 00:40:58,509 --> 00:41:01,819 Where is that line between, Melvin? 381 00:41:01,989 --> 00:41:07,017 It's a condition. Borderline personality disorder. 382 00:41:09,109 --> 00:41:13,421 It's not uncommon. Especially not with young women. 383 00:41:13,589 --> 00:41:17,741 -How does it arise? -We don't know for sure. 384 00:41:17,909 --> 00:41:21,868 -Is it genetic? -Don't be silly. 385 00:41:22,029 --> 00:41:24,623 It's five times more common... 386 00:41:24,789 --> 00:41:29,067 ...as one of the parents is a borderline case. 387 00:41:31,109 --> 00:41:35,819 I can't do this. I'm sorry. I can't. 388 00:41:49,469 --> 00:41:53,701 Razor blades hurt, rivers are wet... 389 00:41:53,869 --> 00:41:59,307 ...weapons are forbidden, the noose holds just for a moment, so you can live better. 390 00:41:59,469 --> 00:42:00,948 Gin. 391 00:42:11,949 --> 00:42:14,622 -Stupid bitch. -Fat bitch. 392 00:42:17,469 --> 00:42:19,903 Hi, Susanna. 393 00:42:20,069 --> 00:42:24,460 -Call a cab, John. -Okay. A taxi. 394 00:42:29,509 --> 00:42:33,024 Lisa said you guys in Daisy's room were... 395 00:42:33,189 --> 00:42:35,339 ...and that it was full of chickens. 396 00:42:35,509 --> 00:42:37,943 There is a telephone for you. 397 00:42:41,709 --> 00:42:45,304 -What is the diagnostic consensus? -Who am I talking to? 398 00:42:45,469 --> 00:42:49,064 What did he say to mom and dad? 399 00:42:55,909 --> 00:43:00,699 -I'm a borderline case. -That doesn't mean anything. What else? 400 00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:04,987 He didn't say that because 401 00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:09,540 Don't take your pills tonight. Gretta goes outside after one o'clock. 402 00:43:09,709 --> 00:43:14,180 When the coast is clear, you go to the art room. 403 00:43:14,349 --> 00:43:16,340 The door is open. 404 00:43:31,989 --> 00:43:33,741 Flashlight. 405 00:43:33,909 --> 00:43:35,865 Come on. 406 00:43:52,829 --> 00:43:57,220 Susanna, that's how Lisa always escapes. 407 00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:04,741 We can get these keys do not use here. 408 00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:10,506 Fortunately, everyone can come here and we are together with burglars. 409 00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:41,218 -It's your turn, Susanna. -Oh no. 410 00:44:41,389 --> 00:44:45,223 -I've only done it once. -Come on. Come on. 411 00:45:36,629 --> 00:45:41,066 The tunnels were there so that the madmen didn't have to go through the cold. 412 00:45:41,229 --> 00:45:44,221 That was not in the brochure. 413 00:45:47,109 --> 00:45:48,986 Open the door. 414 00:46:01,869 --> 00:46:04,337 What the hell are you doing? 415 00:46:16,109 --> 00:46:18,464 Dr Wick's office. 416 00:46:31,989 --> 00:46:36,187 Good. Georgina Tuskin. 417 00:46:46,029 --> 00:46:49,021 Susanna Kaysen. 418 00:46:50,749 --> 00:46:52,705 Polly Clark. 419 00:46:55,349 --> 00:46:59,422 -Cynthia Crowley. Congratulations. -Thank you. 420 00:47:00,749 --> 00:47:03,217 Janet Webber. 421 00:47:05,109 --> 00:47:07,577 Lisa Rowe. 422 00:47:33,309 --> 00:47:37,382 Diagnosis: borderline personality disorder. 423 00:47:39,349 --> 00:47:41,101 Go to hell, Melvin. 424 00:47:45,989 --> 00:47:47,707 Do you want to see mine? 425 00:47:47,869 --> 00:47:50,224 Then I want to see yours. 426 00:47:58,509 --> 00:48:04,220 Lisa Rowe: peaks and troughs are becoming increasingly severe. 427 00:48:04,389 --> 00:48:10,498 Manipulative relationships with patients, does not respond to medications. 428 00:48:10,669 --> 00:48:14,901 No improvement. That was before you ran away. 429 00:48:15,069 --> 00:48:20,097 -We are rare and mostly men. -Lisa gets a kick out of being a sociopath. 430 00:48:20,269 --> 00:48:22,658 -I'm a sociopath. -No, a pot. 431 00:48:22,829 --> 00:48:29,223 Borderline personality disorder. Labile self-image and constitution. 432 00:48:29,389 --> 00:48:34,668 Uncertain about goals, is compulsive self-destructive... 433 00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:38,788 ...that manifests itself in having of superficial sex. 434 00:48:38,949 --> 00:48:45,502 Socially unruly and general pessimistic attitude. 435 00:48:45,669 --> 00:48:48,945 -That's me. -That applies to everyone. 436 00:48:49,109 --> 00:48:54,308 -What kind of sex isn't superficial? -Promiscuous, they mean. 437 00:48:54,469 --> 00:48:57,620 I'm not promiscuous. 438 00:49:00,869 --> 00:49:02,541 No way. 439 00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:23,223 Oh God, look at Janet. 440 00:49:23,389 --> 00:49:26,222 It's already okay. 441 00:49:26,389 --> 00:49:30,223 We're going to eat ice cream in the snow. 442 00:49:30,389 --> 00:49:33,699 Then you wonder who is crazy here? 443 00:49:33,869 --> 00:49:39,865 I like something fun to do on Daisy's last day. 444 00:50:08,509 --> 00:50:12,707 -I want a peppermint stick. -I want that too. 445 00:50:12,869 --> 00:50:18,580 -It's called a peppermint. -Peppermint cock. 446 00:50:18,749 --> 00:50:22,059 Peppermint pussy. 447 00:50:24,509 --> 00:50:27,626 -Four cones, please. -Four cones. 448 00:50:27,789 --> 00:50:31,498 -Do you want anything, Susanna? -No, thanks. 449 00:50:31,669 --> 00:50:34,103 Lisa. 450 00:50:36,629 --> 00:50:40,099 Hello, Ronny. Do you have hot fudge? 451 00:50:42,189 --> 00:50:45,864 Then I want a vanilla sundae with melted toffee. 452 00:50:46,029 --> 00:50:50,227 And sprinkles on top. Colored, not chocolate. 453 00:50:50,389 --> 00:50:52,380 And further... 454 00:50:55,869 --> 00:51:01,227 Whipped cream, cherries and... 455 00:51:02,349 --> 00:51:04,226 Nuts? 456 00:51:09,189 --> 00:51:13,228 That's enough. Let's sit down, ladies. 457 00:51:14,589 --> 00:51:20,425 Melvin thinks so must live in an open facility. 458 00:51:20,589 --> 00:51:24,662 But my father knows I have a right in an apartment. 459 00:51:24,829 --> 00:51:29,186 He bought a beautiful apartment with an eating chick... 460 00:51:29,349 --> 00:51:32,307 ...and very beautiful rattan furniture. 461 00:51:32,469 --> 00:51:35,984 Really great. Rattan butterflies. 462 00:51:36,149 --> 00:51:41,940 That is the most beautiful thing I am listed in the telephone book. 463 00:51:42,109 --> 00:51:46,341 And outside it says: 'If you were here live, you would be home now.' 464 00:51:46,509 --> 00:51:52,027 Hello, Susanna. Do you remember who I am? Surely so. 465 00:51:52,189 --> 00:51:55,704 -Hello, Mrs. Gilcrest. -Are you okay, Susanna? 466 00:51:55,869 --> 00:51:58,542 Yes, I'm fine. 467 00:51:58,709 --> 00:52:01,940 -Hi Bonnie, how is Radcliffe? -Wellesley. 468 00:52:02,109 --> 00:52:06,307 I like it. I'm going to the Sorbonne. 469 00:52:06,469 --> 00:52:11,941 I heard everything. I hope that they will lock you up forever. 470 00:52:13,189 --> 00:52:15,783 Is this the professor's wife? 471 00:52:15,949 --> 00:52:18,622 So you told everyone? 472 00:52:18,789 --> 00:52:22,179 -Fuck off, man. -Was I talking to you? 473 00:52:22,349 --> 00:52:26,547 -No, you spit. So calm down. -Watch your words. 474 00:52:26,709 --> 00:52:29,781 She gave your husband a blowjob. And so what. 475 00:52:29,949 --> 00:52:32,907 He begged for it. And he had a tiny one. 476 00:52:33,069 --> 00:52:35,629 -How dare you. -Just a tip. 477 00:52:35,789 --> 00:52:39,225 Never point your finger at crazy people. 478 00:52:40,629 --> 00:52:43,223 Let me go. 479 00:52:44,629 --> 00:52:47,780 Don't shove that in my face stupid woman. 480 00:52:49,629 --> 00:52:53,224 Let go. Now. 481 00:52:53,389 --> 00:52:55,380 To hold up. 482 00:52:59,189 --> 00:53:01,498 Did you share a man with her? 483 00:53:07,669 --> 00:53:10,627 -Did you enjoy the fresh air? -Yes. 484 00:53:10,789 --> 00:53:14,987 Good, because this is the last time that you can go outside. 485 00:53:15,149 --> 00:53:18,141 Are you challenging me there? 486 00:53:20,269 --> 00:53:24,979 Raise your arms. Well done. We are trees. 487 00:53:25,149 --> 00:53:30,940 Feel the strength in your arms. Reach for the sky with those branches. 488 00:53:31,429 --> 00:53:36,822 Up, Susanna. Well done, Lisa. 489 00:53:36,989 --> 00:53:41,938 Stretch your arms, girls. Feel the stretch through your hip. 490 00:53:42,109 --> 00:53:46,785 Let your arms become branches. And stretch them out. 491 00:53:46,949 --> 00:53:52,023 Reach high into the air. Very good. 492 00:53:52,189 --> 00:53:57,263 Let the wind blow through the leaves. Your fingers are the leaves. 493 00:53:57,429 --> 00:54:01,058 Well done, M.G. Feel the wind. Well done, Lisa. 494 00:54:01,229 --> 00:54:03,026 Excellent. 495 00:54:03,189 --> 00:54:06,465 Upwards. Higher. Well done, girls. 496 00:54:06,629 --> 00:54:10,338 Feel your feet. 497 00:54:10,509 --> 00:54:14,263 Excellent, Polly. 498 00:54:14,429 --> 00:54:17,978 Stretch out. The wind is blowing very hard. 499 00:54:18,149 --> 00:54:21,824 It's not fair. It's not fair. 500 00:54:21,989 --> 00:54:27,222 It's just not fair. 34 kilos is a good weight. 501 00:54:29,269 --> 00:54:34,787 -Good luck, crazy bitch. -What kind of tree do you want to be, Janet? 502 00:54:34,949 --> 00:54:37,941 I'm a bush, damn it. 503 00:55:56,189 --> 00:56:00,228 Martin Luther King Jr was killed tonight. 504 00:56:28,869 --> 00:56:32,225 Susanna, you have a visitor. 505 00:56:34,909 --> 00:56:38,379 What are you doing here? 506 00:56:41,669 --> 00:56:44,422 I'm leaving next week. 507 00:56:44,589 --> 00:56:45,988 Please. 508 00:57:03,429 --> 00:57:05,545 Control. 509 00:57:05,709 --> 00:57:07,222 Excuse me. 510 00:57:08,229 --> 00:57:11,585 We have ten minutes before she comes back. 511 00:57:21,789 --> 00:57:25,225 Hey, lighthouse. What are you doing? 512 00:57:26,309 --> 00:57:27,708 Nothing. 513 00:57:27,869 --> 00:57:31,464 Then just go and do nothing in your room. 514 00:57:41,829 --> 00:57:44,707 Control. 515 00:57:44,869 --> 00:57:47,588 Control. 516 00:57:54,709 --> 00:57:58,384 -What are you doing, Marge? -Controls. 517 00:57:58,549 --> 00:58:02,064 -How's Joe? -That's fine. 518 00:58:02,229 --> 00:58:04,220 I have to do my checks. 519 00:58:04,389 --> 00:58:08,541 And if you talk to me for five minutes are you committing absenteeism? 520 00:58:08,709 --> 00:58:12,861 Would you ignore me too? if I had a venous bleeding? 521 00:58:13,029 --> 00:58:16,021 -Stop it, Lisa. -With what? Just take a look. 522 00:58:16,229 --> 00:58:21,349 Then go. One more step and I push this into my aorta. 523 00:58:21,509 --> 00:58:26,378 -Stop it. -Lisa, your aorta is in your chest. 524 00:58:26,549 --> 00:58:31,225 That's good to know. I'll remember. 525 00:58:38,389 --> 00:58:45,227 Susanna, you can leave the building. Just go for a walk and drink coffee. 526 00:58:49,349 --> 00:58:51,146 Come on, let's go. 527 00:59:06,509 --> 00:59:09,865 -The canteen is that way. -My car is here. 528 00:59:10,029 --> 00:59:11,860 Guard. What are we going to do? 529 00:59:14,229 --> 00:59:16,299 We're going to Canada 530 00:59:18,869 --> 00:59:21,986 Susanna. 531 00:59:22,149 --> 00:59:26,506 You're not crazy. You don't belong here. 532 00:59:27,789 --> 00:59:30,542 I attempted suicide. 533 00:59:30,709 --> 00:59:35,783 -You took some aspirins. -A whole pack of aspirins. 534 00:59:35,949 --> 00:59:40,465 And that's why you've been here for a year? That's bullshit, Susanna. 535 00:59:40,629 --> 00:59:43,097 They destroy you there. Come on. 536 00:59:43,309 --> 00:59:49,748 Everything is changing. What do they know about being normal? 537 00:59:49,909 --> 00:59:54,824 -I have friends here. -Who then? 538 00:59:54,989 --> 00:59:57,219 She? Those girls? 539 00:59:57,389 --> 01:00:02,463 Susanna, they are eating grapes of the wallpaper. 540 01:00:02,629 --> 01:00:04,938 They're crazy. 541 01:00:05,109 --> 01:00:09,022 If they are disturbed, so am I. 542 01:00:09,189 --> 01:00:13,626 -No, honey. Come with me. -No. 543 01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:22,744 I have $5,000 got from my father. 544 01:00:22,909 --> 01:00:27,266 We can rent a house building in the forest. 545 01:00:27,429 --> 01:00:33,140 Susanna, I know it sounds crazy... 546 01:00:33,309 --> 01:00:36,460 ...but I think I love you. 547 01:00:36,629 --> 01:00:40,304 Come with me. 548 01:00:40,469 --> 01:00:43,984 Come with me. 549 01:00:50,269 --> 01:00:54,626 -You do want to leave, don't you? Or not? -Yes. 550 01:00:54,789 --> 01:00:57,223 I want to get out of here. 551 01:01:00,189 --> 01:01:01,861 But not with you. 552 01:01:05,629 --> 01:01:07,540 Not with you. 553 01:01:08,829 --> 01:01:10,820 I'm sorry. 554 01:01:57,789 --> 01:02:00,223 Why did you do that? 555 01:02:03,269 --> 01:02:06,227 Why do you make the lamp at night? 556 01:02:07,789 --> 01:02:14,137 I won't be there tomorrow morning and then you always like to draw. 557 01:02:25,789 --> 01:02:28,257 John. 558 01:02:33,589 --> 01:02:35,819 Why do you like me? 559 01:02:38,509 --> 01:02:43,105 I just like you. That's just how it is. 560 01:02:44,469 --> 01:02:46,983 I just wish you would get better. 561 01:02:47,149 --> 01:02:49,105 I would... 562 01:02:50,829 --> 01:02:56,665 I'd like to take you to the movies take or something. 563 01:02:56,829 --> 01:03:00,060 That would be nice. 564 01:03:08,709 --> 01:03:13,658 -My face. -Take her to the solitary confinement. 565 01:03:13,829 --> 01:03:19,108 -I got you. -My face. My face. 566 01:03:19,309 --> 01:03:22,619 Why is my face like that? 567 01:03:23,869 --> 01:03:26,224 I'm so ugly. 568 01:03:56,429 --> 01:03:58,784 Hi. 569 01:03:58,949 --> 01:04:02,225 What happened to Polly? 570 01:04:03,509 --> 01:04:06,899 What do you mean 'happen'? No one will ever kiss her. 571 01:04:08,469 --> 01:04:11,745 They're building a Disneyland in Florida. 572 01:04:11,909 --> 01:04:15,618 I can become anything I want. A Cinderella. 573 01:04:15,789 --> 01:04:20,180 And you Snow White and Polly Minnie Mouse. 574 01:04:20,349 --> 01:04:25,742 Everyone would kiss her and no one would know what's in that head. 575 01:04:26,909 --> 01:04:28,979 Give me your keys. 576 01:04:53,829 --> 01:04:56,627 Hey, Polly. 577 01:04:56,789 --> 01:04:59,861 -It's me, Susanna. -Just play. 578 01:05:01,029 --> 01:05:03,862 If talking helped, we would be gone already. 579 01:06:20,229 --> 01:06:22,982 Back to your room. 580 01:06:23,149 --> 01:06:26,664 Back to your room, please. 581 01:06:26,829 --> 01:06:32,108 McWilley will wake up soon. Give me the guitar, Susanna. 582 01:06:32,269 --> 01:06:35,102 I'm going to be fired soon, Lisa. 583 01:06:37,269 --> 01:06:40,341 Give me that guitar. 584 01:06:40,509 --> 01:06:42,306 No. 585 01:06:42,469 --> 01:06:47,179 -It's okay. Come here. -I'm getting fired because of you. 586 01:07:34,269 --> 01:07:39,707 I'm going to pass this on. I've had enough of this bullshit. 587 01:07:43,389 --> 01:07:46,825 -Is she here? -You can go in. 588 01:07:53,429 --> 01:07:56,899 -What did she do? -McWilley drugged. 589 01:08:02,949 --> 01:08:06,544 Good morning, Susanna. How are you? 590 01:08:08,389 --> 01:08:10,698 Okay, I guess. 591 01:08:11,989 --> 01:08:14,457 Sit down. 592 01:08:22,469 --> 01:08:24,221 You look tired. 593 01:08:26,109 --> 01:08:32,423 Polly went crazy and then Lisa and I sang for her. 594 01:08:32,589 --> 01:08:38,824 -Did you become friends with Lisa? -What do you mean? Is that wrong? 595 01:08:38,989 --> 01:08:42,265 -Does it feel wrong? -No. 596 01:08:42,429 --> 01:08:47,219 -Did you have a lot of friends back in the day? -Not really. 597 01:08:49,149 --> 01:08:54,826 Your friends existed before you here came mainly from men? 598 01:08:56,309 --> 01:09:01,224 -Does it say I'm promiscuous? -Why do you use that word? 599 01:09:01,389 --> 01:09:07,624 How many men would I sleep with? have to go to be promiscuous? 600 01:09:07,789 --> 01:09:13,182 -What do you think? -Ten, eight, five. 601 01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:16,705 And after how many girls is that a man? 602 01:09:16,869 --> 01:09:18,939 Ten, twenty, one hundred and nine? 603 01:09:19,109 --> 01:09:24,388 someone who is compulsively promiscuous, has sex with a guy... 604 01:09:24,549 --> 01:09:29,418 ...and sexual contact on the same day with a nurse. 605 01:09:33,469 --> 01:09:38,224 Is this because I have a nurse? kissed or gave my boyfriend a blowjob? 606 01:09:40,309 --> 01:09:46,578 Melvin says you're very interesting have theories about your illness. 607 01:09:46,749 --> 01:09:50,822 You believe in a mystic undercurrent in life? 608 01:09:50,989 --> 01:09:54,061 Quicksand of shadows? 609 01:09:54,229 --> 01:09:58,302 Another theory is that you don't know what you're doing. 610 01:09:58,469 --> 01:10:01,427 So there is a problem with that quicksand? 611 01:10:01,589 --> 01:10:06,947 I have a problem with this hospital. I want to leave. 612 01:10:07,109 --> 01:10:11,148 -That's not possible. -I can have myself unsubscribed. 613 01:10:11,309 --> 01:10:16,781 We decide when you can leave. You're not done yet, Susanna. 614 01:10:16,949 --> 01:10:20,225 Your progress has stagnated. 615 01:10:21,469 --> 01:10:25,701 -Does that disappoint you? -I'm ambivalent. 616 01:10:25,869 --> 01:10:28,588 That's my new favorite word. 617 01:10:28,749 --> 01:10:32,788 -Do you know what ambivalence means? -I don't care. 618 01:10:32,949 --> 01:10:35,099 It's your favorite word. 619 01:10:35,269 --> 01:10:40,218 -It means 'I don't care.' -On the contrary, Susanna. 620 01:10:40,389 --> 01:10:45,258 Ambivalence suggests strong, conflicting feelings. 621 01:10:45,429 --> 01:10:50,628 The prefix, as in ambidextry, means both. 622 01:10:50,789 --> 01:10:54,179 The rest means 'power' in Latin. 623 01:10:54,349 --> 01:10:55,987 It means... 624 01:10:56,149 --> 01:11:02,224 ...that you are between two courses of action is tossed back and forth. 625 01:11:03,989 --> 01:11:06,219 Should I stay or should I go? 626 01:11:06,389 --> 01:11:09,745 Am I sane or am I crazy? 627 01:11:09,909 --> 01:11:15,984 -That's not business. -That may be it for some. 628 01:11:16,149 --> 01:11:21,985 -Then it's the wrong word. -No, it just seems perfect to me. 629 01:11:27,589 --> 01:11:31,218 Quis hic locus, quae region... 630 01:11:32,949 --> 01:11:35,019 quae mundi Plaga? 631 01:11:35,189 --> 01:11:40,946 What kind of world is this? What kind of kingdom? 632 01:11:41,109 --> 01:11:44,419 Which shores of which worlds? 633 01:11:44,589 --> 01:11:49,709 You are faced with a huge problem, Susanna. 634 01:11:49,869 --> 01:11:53,384 The choice of your life. 635 01:11:53,549 --> 01:11:57,781 How much are you going to wallow in your shortcomings? 636 01:11:57,949 --> 01:12:01,498 What are they? Are they shortcomings? 637 01:12:01,669 --> 01:12:07,744 If you accept them, then you choose for a life in the hospital? 638 01:12:07,909 --> 01:12:12,187 Big questions, big decisions. 639 01:12:12,349 --> 01:12:16,706 It's not surprising that you're there being so careless with it. 640 01:12:23,269 --> 01:12:26,625 Is that all? 641 01:12:26,789 --> 01:12:28,541 For the time being. 642 01:12:36,829 --> 01:12:39,821 Over here, Susanna. 643 01:12:52,589 --> 01:12:56,343 John was placed in the men's department Posted. 644 01:12:56,509 --> 01:13:00,821 Lisa never came back from Dr Wick's office. 645 01:13:26,629 --> 01:13:29,985 We live in a time of uncertainty. 646 01:13:30,149 --> 01:13:35,428 We can no longer count on the institutions we ever trust. 647 01:13:35,589 --> 01:13:41,186 Daisy sent a card about her new apartment. 648 01:13:41,349 --> 01:13:44,500 She has a cat. 649 01:13:44,669 --> 01:13:49,948 -Where's Lisa? -You know that very well. 650 01:13:50,109 --> 01:13:54,387 They have her placed in another department. 651 01:14:04,269 --> 01:14:06,863 You better get up. 652 01:14:07,029 --> 01:14:10,624 I'm going to rest for a while. Just for a moment. 653 01:14:22,709 --> 01:14:26,224 Goddammit. 654 01:14:26,389 --> 01:14:28,107 Sorry. Is it too cold? 655 01:14:28,269 --> 01:14:32,262 What are you doing? Get me the hell out of here. 656 01:14:32,429 --> 01:14:36,820 -Just figure it out yourself. -Where's Lisa? 657 01:14:36,989 --> 01:14:40,948 -Where's Lisa? -Can't cope without her? 658 01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:45,785 You banish her because she's for Polly sang. We just wanted to help her. 659 01:14:45,949 --> 01:14:51,785 We wanted to help her. This is a fascist torture chamber. 660 01:14:51,949 --> 01:14:57,467 Compared to an ordinary hospital this is a five star hotel. 661 01:15:00,389 --> 01:15:04,985 I put up with a lot of bullshit from a lot of crazy people... 662 01:15:05,149 --> 01:15:08,186 ...but you're not crazy. 663 01:15:08,349 --> 01:15:13,104 Then what's wrong with me? What what the fuck is going on in my head? 664 01:15:13,269 --> 01:15:15,829 What is your diagnosis, Dr Val? 665 01:15:15,989 --> 01:15:22,906 that drives itself crazy. 666 01:15:25,709 --> 01:15:29,463 Is that your professional judgment? 667 01:15:29,629 --> 01:15:35,465 Did you learn that at night school? for black welfare mothers? 668 01:15:35,629 --> 01:15:39,338 Melvin doesn't understand it, Wick is crazy... 669 01:15:39,509 --> 01:15:41,704 ...and you pretend to be a doctor. 670 01:15:41,869 --> 01:15:46,226 You hand out medicines but you're not a doctor. 671 01:15:46,389 --> 01:15:49,620 You are just a black nurse. 672 01:15:52,069 --> 01:15:54,947 You're wasting your life. 673 01:16:19,389 --> 01:16:21,619 Do you still want to go to Florida? 674 01:16:24,069 --> 01:16:26,947 We need money, Lisa. 675 01:16:27,109 --> 01:16:29,782 You kept your meds, right? 676 01:16:29,949 --> 01:16:36,661 They shocked me again. I gotta get out of here, Jamie. 677 01:16:36,829 --> 01:16:39,468 I'm Susanna. 678 01:16:39,629 --> 01:16:41,904 I'm Susanna. 679 01:16:59,909 --> 01:17:03,379 What are we doing? 680 01:17:07,389 --> 01:17:11,940 'Dear Sir, can you please provide a telephone joining Daisy Randone... 681 01:17:12,109 --> 01:17:13,781 ...at 23 Vicar Street.' 682 01:17:14,749 --> 01:17:19,823 -We were going to Florida, right? -We have to sleep somewhere until then. 683 01:17:21,669 --> 01:17:24,137 Come on. 684 01:17:33,909 --> 01:17:37,185 Nice jacket. 685 01:18:35,029 --> 01:18:37,145 Lisa? 686 01:18:37,309 --> 01:18:39,345 What is? 687 01:18:39,509 --> 01:18:42,103 You don't want me, Tony. 688 01:18:42,309 --> 01:18:46,939 -I want that. -No, I'm a crazy girl. 689 01:18:47,109 --> 01:18:49,828 What is one perfect night? 690 01:18:54,069 --> 01:18:58,460 -I'm crazy. I mean it. -Have you been in an institution? 691 01:19:02,549 --> 01:19:08,181 Do you see purple people? A friend of mine saw that. 692 01:19:08,349 --> 01:19:14,424 The government took him away. He wasn't happy about that. 693 01:19:14,589 --> 01:19:19,788 After a while he said to them that he no longer saw purple people. 694 01:19:19,949 --> 01:19:24,977 -Was he cured? -No, he still sees them now. 695 01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,108 We have to go. 696 01:19:29,269 --> 01:19:33,262 Stop her. She took my wallet. 697 01:19:42,949 --> 01:19:47,943 -Who's there? -Susanna and... 698 01:19:48,109 --> 01:19:50,225 It's me, Susanna. 699 01:19:56,989 --> 01:20:00,379 -Do you have Valium? -Yes. 700 01:20:00,549 --> 01:20:02,221 Okay then. 701 01:20:13,029 --> 01:20:15,418 Cool apartment. 702 01:20:15,589 --> 01:20:21,107 Hi, Daisy. Peace. I'm sorry been so mean to you. 703 01:20:21,309 --> 01:20:23,220 This is for you. 704 01:20:31,509 --> 01:20:36,219 That's Ruby. Dad bought her for me. 705 01:20:37,829 --> 01:20:43,222 This is a Castro Convertible. You can take it off. 706 01:20:43,389 --> 01:20:46,222 -Where is the bathroom? -There. 707 01:20:48,949 --> 01:20:52,783 -You don't have a bath. -No, that's right. 708 01:20:52,949 --> 01:20:54,905 -And upstairs? -No. 709 01:20:57,309 --> 01:21:00,619 Did you run away? 710 01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:02,984 We're going to Florida. 711 01:21:03,149 --> 01:21:06,107 You only have mustard and that chicken of yours. 712 01:21:06,269 --> 01:21:09,625 What are you going to do in Florida? 713 01:21:11,189 --> 01:21:14,818 I'm going to be the new Cinderella at Disneyland. 714 01:21:14,989 --> 01:21:19,858 Susanna becomes Snow White. You can also come along if you want. 715 01:21:20,029 --> 01:21:24,386 Then you become that cocker spaniel who eats spaghetti. 716 01:21:24,549 --> 01:21:28,064 -I want to make pancakes. -I want to sleep. 717 01:21:28,229 --> 01:21:32,222 -Tomorrow morning then. -There's a shop on the corner. 718 01:21:32,389 --> 01:21:38,385 The pans are under the sink, and the cutlery is in that drawer. 719 01:21:39,869 --> 01:21:45,466 Do you have money? Have Do you think there is something of a safety net? 720 01:21:46,829 --> 01:21:50,026 Do you know people in Florida? 721 01:21:50,189 --> 01:21:55,217 Family, friends or whatever? 722 01:22:06,029 --> 01:22:08,224 This is for your pancakes. 723 01:22:09,669 --> 01:22:12,945 Don't make too much noise tomorrow morning. 724 01:22:13,109 --> 01:22:18,058 I like to sleep late. I'll come downstairs when I'm done. 725 01:22:46,069 --> 01:22:50,745 -Give me the Valium. -We don't want your father's money. 726 01:22:50,909 --> 01:22:56,222 Then leave it alone. But give me the Valium. 727 01:23:01,549 --> 01:23:04,222 What is this? 728 01:23:04,389 --> 01:23:07,301 -Have you tried your cutlery? -Go away. 729 01:23:07,469 --> 01:23:10,302 That's less fun for dad. 730 01:23:10,469 --> 01:23:14,621 -Look at your own arm. -I'm sick, we know that. 731 01:23:14,789 --> 01:23:18,543 But you are healed and carved like a piece of meat. 732 01:23:18,709 --> 01:23:21,701 Stop it, Lisa. 733 01:23:21,869 --> 01:23:26,943 Please explain, Daisy. I thought you didn't do Valium. 734 01:23:27,109 --> 01:23:32,627 How does that safety net work? Admit it that you pull that knife over your skin... 735 01:23:32,789 --> 01:23:37,943 ...and pray for courage to be able to push through. 736 01:23:38,109 --> 01:23:44,264 Tell me how Dad helps you with that to go. Please enlighten me. 737 01:23:46,669 --> 01:23:48,625 My father loves me. 738 01:23:51,269 --> 01:23:55,626 I certainly believe that. With all his manhood. 739 01:23:55,789 --> 01:23:57,620 Oh God. 740 01:24:01,549 --> 01:24:04,222 I'm going to sleep now. 741 01:24:12,549 --> 01:24:15,746 Make sure you're gone when I get up. 742 01:24:16,909 --> 01:24:22,620 You're just jealous because I'm healed, Lisa. 743 01:24:22,789 --> 01:24:26,145 Because I was allowed to leave. 744 01:24:26,309 --> 01:24:28,698 Because I have a chance... 745 01:24:30,029 --> 01:24:31,428 ...and a life. 746 01:24:33,549 --> 01:24:38,100 You haven't recovered, Daisy. They just gave up on you. 747 01:24:39,229 --> 01:24:41,026 You call this life? 748 01:24:41,189 --> 01:24:45,580 You take money from daddy, and buys dolls and trinkets... 749 01:24:45,749 --> 01:24:50,220 ...and eat his chicken and get fat like a prize-winning cow. 750 01:24:50,389 --> 01:24:54,780 The environment is different, not the situation. You are still being guided. 751 01:24:54,949 --> 01:24:57,622 And everyone knows it. 752 01:24:57,789 --> 01:25:01,782 everyone knows that he fucks with you. 753 01:25:01,949 --> 01:25:06,067 But what no one knows is that you like it. 754 01:25:08,029 --> 01:25:11,499 -You like it. -Shut the fuck up. 755 01:25:11,669 --> 01:25:14,229 But that's fine. No problem. 756 01:25:14,389 --> 01:25:19,747 A man is an asshole is a chicken, is a father. 757 01:25:19,909 --> 01:25:25,222 A Valium, a speculum. Whatever. Just fill it in. 758 01:25:26,509 --> 01:25:32,220 You'd like to be Mrs. Randone. You don't know any better, of course. 759 01:25:35,229 --> 01:25:37,220 Have fun in Florida. 760 01:27:24,309 --> 01:27:28,097 -Has she been downstairs yet? -No. 761 01:27:29,469 --> 01:27:33,382 But she's been playing all morning that damn music. 762 01:27:54,949 --> 01:27:57,019 Daisy? 763 01:28:48,269 --> 01:28:49,748 Daisy? 764 01:28:55,229 --> 01:28:57,220 Daisy? 765 01:29:21,669 --> 01:29:23,705 What a fool. 766 01:29:31,909 --> 01:29:35,663 -I need an ambulance. -A hearse. 767 01:29:35,829 --> 01:29:41,779 Daisy Randone. She committed suicide. 768 01:29:41,949 --> 01:29:47,546 23 Vicar Street. Please hurry. 769 01:29:58,509 --> 01:30:01,546 You push it to the limit and then you steal her money. 770 01:30:03,029 --> 01:30:08,308 I didn't do anything. She was just searching an excuse. We have to go. 771 01:30:08,589 --> 01:30:11,228 We have to go. We have money. 772 01:30:15,229 --> 01:30:18,221 Don't be stupid. 773 01:30:20,549 --> 01:30:23,222 Okay, then be stupid. 774 01:32:30,509 --> 01:32:34,218 Someone just has to go get a litter box. 775 01:33:01,629 --> 01:33:04,223 Can I pet the cat? 776 01:33:07,229 --> 01:33:09,026 Carefully. 777 01:33:12,509 --> 01:33:14,500 Hello, kitty. 778 01:33:33,269 --> 01:33:38,548 -Where's Georgina? -She's sleeping with Polly tonight. 779 01:33:38,709 --> 01:33:41,701 They play with your cat. 780 01:33:44,429 --> 01:33:49,105 -Did they find Lisa? -No. 781 01:34:06,949 --> 01:34:09,702 I couldn't compete with her. 782 01:34:13,549 --> 01:34:16,939 A decent person would have done something. 783 01:34:19,269 --> 01:34:21,624 That had silenced her. 784 01:34:24,709 --> 01:34:29,829 It had gone upstairs to talk to Daisy. 785 01:34:31,909 --> 01:34:35,185 Melvin said you too you went upstairs. 786 01:34:36,509 --> 01:34:37,988 Too late. 787 01:34:40,469 --> 01:34:44,098 What would you have said to her? 788 01:34:44,269 --> 01:34:47,579 I don't know. 789 01:34:47,749 --> 01:34:49,228 That I was sorry. 790 01:34:54,949 --> 01:34:58,544 That I will never know what it was like to be her. 791 01:35:01,949 --> 01:35:06,943 But that I know what it's like to want to die. 792 01:35:09,629 --> 01:35:12,462 That it hurts to smile. 793 01:35:13,909 --> 01:35:19,029 That you want to belong but you can't do it. 794 01:35:19,189 --> 01:35:25,788 That you hurt on the outside does to kill the thing inside. 795 01:35:27,429 --> 01:35:32,059 Susanna, I'm happy for telling me all this... 796 01:35:32,229 --> 01:35:36,461 ...but you have to tell your doctors. 797 01:35:42,469 --> 01:35:48,180 How the hell can I get better if I don't even understand my illness? 798 01:35:48,349 --> 01:35:54,299 You get the idea. You just spoke about it very clearly. 799 01:35:54,469 --> 01:36:00,738 But you have to get rid of it. Write it down in your diary. 800 01:36:00,909 --> 01:36:06,620 It has to come out so that you can't wallow in it anymore. 801 01:36:13,869 --> 01:36:16,224 Lisa thinks it's a gift. 802 01:36:18,909 --> 01:36:21,901 She thinks you're telling the truth sees through. 803 01:36:24,669 --> 01:36:28,184 Lisa has been here for eight years. 804 01:36:35,349 --> 01:36:41,219 I'm so sorry. I've behaved terribly. 805 01:36:43,349 --> 01:36:46,864 Don't anchor here. 806 01:36:47,029 --> 01:36:49,224 Do you understand me? 807 01:37:00,749 --> 01:37:06,221 If you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. 808 01:37:07,669 --> 01:37:12,948 But when you see death, really sees... 809 01:37:13,109 --> 01:37:16,738 ... it becomes a dream fucking ridiculous. 810 01:37:17,909 --> 01:37:24,018 Maybe there is a moment when you grows up that something reveals itself. 811 01:37:24,189 --> 01:37:25,588 Maybe... 812 01:37:25,749 --> 01:37:28,309 We look for secrets. 813 01:37:28,469 --> 01:37:34,624 /I missed Lisa, but life was easier without her. 814 01:37:34,789 --> 01:37:38,577 /k just know that I'm doing things again now gonna feel. 815 01:37:40,629 --> 01:37:47,148 Crazy or sane, I knew I was could only return to the world... 816 01:37:47,349 --> 01:37:49,783 ...by Talking. 817 01:37:49,949 --> 01:37:53,942 So I saw the wonderful Dr Wick three times a week... 818 01:37:54,109 --> 01:37:58,227 ...and told her all my thoughts. 819 01:38:00,469 --> 01:38:04,701 Do you think I'm clairvoyant or something, that I have a gift? 820 01:38:04,869 --> 01:38:06,621 Maybe. 821 01:38:18,509 --> 01:38:23,902 Do you think I'm with Can Thanksgiving be at home? 822 01:38:24,069 --> 01:38:30,747 -Nothing has happened for weeks. -It's about having control. 823 01:38:30,909 --> 01:38:34,982 I have control I don't take any medications anymore... 824 01:38:35,149 --> 01:38:38,346 ...no more headaches and I sleep well. 825 01:38:46,269 --> 01:38:50,660 -Will you help me? Can you help me? -You don't need help anymore. 826 01:38:50,829 --> 01:38:54,822 You could always go back to Kansas. 827 01:38:54,989 --> 01:39:00,586 -Why didn't you say that? -Because she had to discover it for herself. 828 01:39:00,749 --> 01:39:04,503 What have you learned, Dorothy? 829 01:39:07,269 --> 01:39:12,297 It wasn't enough about Uncle Harry and wanting to see Aunt Em. 830 01:39:12,469 --> 01:39:17,589 If I ever get my heart's desire again wants to fulfill... 831 01:39:17,749 --> 01:39:21,219 ...I look no further than my own backyard. 832 01:39:21,389 --> 01:39:27,498 'Cause if it's not there, I have never been shy about it. 833 01:40:53,349 --> 01:40:56,386 Go away. 834 01:40:56,549 --> 01:40:58,540 Lisa. 835 01:41:01,269 --> 01:41:04,261 It's me. 836 01:41:17,069 --> 01:41:20,982 I haven't seen you in a while. 837 01:41:21,149 --> 01:41:24,619 I just wanted to say hello. 838 01:41:27,389 --> 01:41:32,338 -Are you okay? -Oh, fantastic. 839 01:41:32,509 --> 01:41:37,629 Susanna, you're going to be late. Gretta is waiting for you. 840 01:41:37,789 --> 01:41:39,780 Okay. 841 01:41:41,669 --> 01:41:44,627 I have to go. Dr Wick. 842 01:41:47,189 --> 01:41:50,704 Are they still messing with you? 843 01:41:55,949 --> 01:41:59,419 I can leave, actually. 844 01:42:02,069 --> 01:42:04,219 Great. 845 01:42:06,909 --> 01:42:08,627 You have to go. 846 01:42:24,509 --> 01:42:28,866 Dad has a part-time job arranged for me... 847 01:42:29,029 --> 01:42:32,021 ...at a bookstore in Harvard Square. 848 01:42:32,189 --> 01:42:35,226 I have an apartment with a telephone, so i can... 849 01:42:35,389 --> 01:42:37,857 Stay in touch. 850 01:42:38,029 --> 01:42:41,704 I come twice a week talk to Sonia. 851 01:42:41,869 --> 01:42:45,544 Are you planning to go to stores? to keep working? 852 01:42:49,069 --> 01:42:54,097 -No, I don't plan to. -What are your plans then? 853 01:42:56,709 --> 01:42:59,542 I want to write. 854 01:43:05,589 --> 01:43:07,500 Polly Clark. 855 01:43:07,669 --> 01:43:10,137 Cynthia Crowley. 856 01:43:13,589 --> 01:43:15,625 Susanna Kaysen. 857 01:43:18,069 --> 01:43:20,219 -I don't need... -Sleeping pills. 858 01:43:20,389 --> 01:43:24,780 You need to be rested tomorrow. The last night is long. 859 01:43:24,949 --> 01:43:27,065 Katie Cooper. 860 01:43:29,229 --> 01:43:32,744 Rosemary Jones. 861 01:43:32,909 --> 01:43:35,548 Teresa McCullian. 862 01:44:56,469 --> 01:44:58,824 Ruby? 863 01:45:16,189 --> 01:45:18,180 Ruby? 864 01:45:48,589 --> 01:45:50,341 Oh God. 865 01:45:56,789 --> 01:46:01,340 -Shut up, I'm reading. -Lisa. 866 01:46:01,509 --> 01:46:06,060 My memory has completely changed. 867 01:46:06,229 --> 01:46:09,221 I am mentally healthy. 868 01:46:09,389 --> 01:46:13,223 It's in my file that I have recovered. 869 01:46:16,669 --> 01:46:18,227 Don't do that. 870 01:46:24,069 --> 01:46:26,219 Lisa. 871 01:46:26,389 --> 01:46:30,621 I had stopped to fight against myself? 872 01:46:33,629 --> 01:46:37,622 We read your book on your last evening to celebrate. 873 01:46:37,789 --> 01:46:43,147 We want to learn from your wisdom and enrich ourselves as people. 874 01:46:43,309 --> 01:46:46,904 You're like a baby on a plank tied up. 875 01:46:47,069 --> 01:46:52,587 You think Georgina doesn't want to leave and that I'm a deranged lunatic. 876 01:46:52,749 --> 01:46:58,221 -What are you doing here? -Lisa's look is now completely blank. 877 01:46:58,389 --> 01:47:01,984 Lisa, that's mine. 878 01:47:02,149 --> 01:47:04,617 That's mine. 879 01:47:04,789 --> 01:47:08,748 Georgina just lies to the staff. 880 01:47:08,909 --> 01:47:13,778 Sometimes I think they're always in Oz wants to stay. What a perception. 881 01:47:13,949 --> 01:47:19,581 Take that away. My father is head of the CIA and can kill you like that. 882 01:47:19,749 --> 01:47:25,506 Appearance is everything. I think Polly seems so sweet and pure... 883 01:47:25,669 --> 01:47:32,108 ...so we can see her face tolerate. Thank you for your judgement. 884 01:47:32,269 --> 01:47:34,544 What are you doing, Lisa? 885 01:47:34,709 --> 01:47:38,782 I'll play the bad guy for you. I'll do anything for you. 886 01:47:38,949 --> 01:47:40,382 That's not true. 887 01:47:41,629 --> 01:47:46,578 I found your file, freed you and gave you money. 888 01:47:46,749 --> 01:47:51,982 I told you everything honestly. l I didn't write anything in a damn book. 889 01:47:52,149 --> 01:47:56,427 And I told Daisy what no one dared to say. 890 01:47:56,589 --> 01:48:02,266 -I played the bad guy. For you. -Why would I want that? 891 01:48:02,429 --> 01:48:05,227 Because you're the good guy there by. 892 01:48:05,389 --> 01:48:08,779 You come sweet, sad and returned full of remorse. 893 01:48:08,949 --> 01:48:13,420 And everyone praises you for your bravery. 894 01:48:13,589 --> 01:48:18,822 While I had to give blowjobs to men the money that was in her dressing gown. 895 01:48:18,989 --> 01:48:20,786 Stop it, Lisa. She is... 896 01:48:20,949 --> 01:48:22,541 Shut up, Polly. 897 01:48:24,109 --> 01:48:27,545 Where are you going? I'm talking to you. 898 01:48:27,709 --> 01:48:30,701 Stop it, Lisa. 899 01:48:31,869 --> 01:48:36,067 Where are you going? I'm talking to you. 900 01:48:36,229 --> 01:48:40,666 Susanna. Don't you like me anymore? 901 01:48:40,829 --> 01:48:43,901 No, indeed. 902 01:48:44,069 --> 01:48:49,666 Because you are free? You think that you are free? I am free. 903 01:48:49,829 --> 01:48:54,823 You don't know what freedom is. I am free. 904 01:48:54,989 --> 01:49:01,861 You will suffocate in your daily, mediocre life. 905 01:49:13,069 --> 01:49:16,778 There are too many weak spots in the world. 906 01:49:18,949 --> 01:49:23,500 They scream to be hit to become. They scream about it. 907 01:49:23,669 --> 01:49:26,741 They scream to be hit to become. 908 01:49:26,909 --> 01:49:32,700 And I really wonder why no one even touches me. 909 01:49:32,869 --> 01:49:37,545 Why is everyone ignoring me and no one will get the truth out of me... 910 01:49:37,709 --> 01:49:42,385 ...and tells me I'm a whore and my parents wish me dead? 911 01:49:42,549 --> 01:49:45,507 Because you're already dead, Lisa. 912 01:49:51,989 --> 01:49:55,425 No one cares when you die. 913 01:49:55,589 --> 01:49:58,740 You're already dead. 914 01:49:58,909 --> 01:50:02,504 Your heart is made of stone. 915 01:50:04,789 --> 01:50:08,498 That's why you keep coming back here. 916 01:50:08,669 --> 01:50:15,188 You are not free. You're here because that makes you feel alive. 917 01:50:15,349 --> 01:50:18,421 It's pathetic. 918 01:50:56,189 --> 01:51:00,182 I have a year thrown away from my life. 919 01:51:04,429 --> 01:51:08,024 Maybe everyone lies. 920 01:51:11,509 --> 01:51:16,981 Maybe the whole world stupid and ignorant. 921 01:51:19,149 --> 01:51:23,939 But I'd rather be there. 922 01:51:24,109 --> 01:51:30,628 I'd rather be there, than me being down here with you. 923 01:51:44,469 --> 01:51:47,586 Lisa. 924 01:51:47,749 --> 01:51:50,786 Don't. 925 01:52:48,349 --> 01:52:50,226 Do you have it? 926 01:52:52,629 --> 01:52:57,419 I had to exchange it with one transvestite from the men's department. 927 01:52:58,589 --> 01:53:00,068 Thank you. 928 01:53:56,629 --> 01:53:58,824 I'm not really dead. 929 01:54:04,669 --> 01:54:06,660 I know that. 930 01:54:10,509 --> 01:54:13,182 I'll miss you, Suzie Q. 931 01:54:15,349 --> 01:54:21,379 Nope. You're getting out of here quickly and comes to see me. 932 01:54:21,549 --> 01:54:23,540 Okay? 933 01:54:28,469 --> 01:54:30,460 Yes. 934 01:54:43,189 --> 01:54:48,217 Hi, Georgina. You know, what I write everything in my diary... 935 01:54:48,389 --> 01:54:50,220 ...that doesn't make sense. 936 01:54:50,389 --> 01:54:54,098 They're just thoughts. 937 01:54:54,269 --> 01:54:59,423 -Maybe I'm a liar. -Maybe not. 938 01:55:08,309 --> 01:55:10,777 Goodbye. 939 01:55:18,029 --> 01:55:24,502 Polly, would you like for Ruby? worry if I leave her here? 940 01:55:24,669 --> 01:55:29,220 And then I can play with her when I come for my therapy? 941 01:55:30,989 --> 01:55:33,583 Good. 942 01:56:00,629 --> 01:56:03,621 Think of me when you shave your legs. 943 01:56:32,189 --> 01:56:37,422 Declared cured and sent back to the world. 944 01:56:37,589 --> 01:56:43,619 My latest diagnosis: a recovered borderline patient. 945 01:56:43,789 --> 01:56:47,418 /k still don't know what that means. 946 01:56:47,589 --> 01:56:52,379 Was I really crazy? Maybe. 947 01:56:52,549 --> 01:56:55,222 Or maybe life is crazy. 948 01:56:56,709 --> 01:56:58,779 I've seen you before. 949 01:57:00,949 --> 01:57:05,545 -Where are you going? - Burlin game number 1 7. 950 01:57:08,109 --> 01:57:14,628 Being crazy doesn't mean you are broken or hiding a secret. 951 01:57:14,789 --> 01:57:19,465 It's either you or me, but enlarged. 952 01:57:19,629 --> 01:57:23,542 If you've ever lied and liked that. 953 01:57:25,429 --> 01:57:30,822 If you ever wished to always be allowed to be a child. 954 01:57:30,989 --> 01:57:35,426 They weren't perfect, but they were my friends. 955 01:57:36,709 --> 01:57:41,419 /n the 1970s most of them were gone... 956 01:57:41,589 --> 01:57:44,103 ...and lived lives. 957 01:57:44,269 --> 01:57:50,947 Some I have seen again, and others never again. 958 01:57:51,109 --> 01:57:56,581 But not a day goes by without finding them in my heart. 959 02:02:11,989 --> 02:02:12,978 Subtitles: St0rM a.k.a. The Dude ;-)